Read the full story: http://www.northernvirginiamag.com/education/2015/12/18/til-divorce-do-us-part/
Filling the Nest
Life begins anew when the kids leave home.
Read the full story: http://www.northernvirginiamag.com/family/family-features/2012/08/09/filling-the-nest/
Like many mothers, Ellen Broadman of Arlington felt tremendous loss when her first son went to college. So much of her attention had been focused on her children that her son’s departure seemed to be the end to the most important phase of her life. At the same time, Broadman felt a sense of accomplishment and pleasure seeing him do so well in college.
Broadman also observed how much easier her life had become with only one child at home. And, the separation from her first child became less painful thanks to regular communication via cell phone. But, best of all, Broadman began a new hobby—drawing and painting—at the Torpedo Factory.
“When my second child went to college, the transition was easier. He called regularly; we had more, and better, conversations than during the high school years. Also, my husband and I started traveling more,” describes Broadman. While she kept her sons’ bedrooms intact, she transformed their playroom into an art studio.
For some, there’s relief when kids head off to college, while for others, the looming empty nest brings terror to the heart. That’s why Susan Alexander Yates, Falls Church mother of five, co-authored a book on navigating the empty nest. Yates found there weren’t many books on the subject; so she began interviewing mothers all over the country, asking about their fears and what they planned to do with the rest of their lives. “People are living a lot longer, and I wanted them to have a vision of how to be positive difference-makers in the world,” explains Yates.
“Barbara and Susan’s Guide to the Empty Nest: Discovering New Purpose, Passion and Your Next Great Adventure” by Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates
“The New Normal”
Military families struggle with PTSD in Northern Virginia Magazine Kin Column 2011
Read the full story: http://www.northernvirginiamag.com/family/family-features/2011/05/27/the-new-normal/
A ll over Northern Virginia walk the survivors—people who served in Iraq and Afghanistan—carrying around memories of horrific events. They return to their families, work, coach, but many are suffering from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Coworkers or loved ones may never learn of the carnage they witnessed, or of the pain they’re bearing.
Give an Hour was founded in the Metro-D.C. area by a volunteer corps of licensed mental health professionals with clinical expertise in PTSD who “serve their country” by donating an hour a week to military members and their families. Beverly Lynch, a social worker practicing in McLean, participates in Give an Hour; encouraging military personnel to process experiences in confidential therapy sessions, so memories don’t fester. But, Lynch says military men and women are “helper personalities,” strong and independent types, who prefer not to ask others for help.
Research and analysis nonprofit RAND put out a study in 2008 that found most service members do not seek treatment for psychological illnesses, because they fear it will harm their careers. “In the past, seeking mental health counseling meant professional suicide. Promotions might not come, clearances could be withdrawn. Frankly, the services frowned [upon] psychotherapy. Now, fortunately, this attitude is changing,” explains Lynch, who advised the first Family Support Center in the U.S. Air Force. “Many spend an ungodly year in a war zone then return home to work not realizing how angry they are. Reintegrating into their family may be difficult; both spouses have changed; children felt abandoned by the military member and withhold affection. Everyone hurts.”
Social anxiety does not have to follow the child throughout life. By Renee Sklarew
Read the full story: http://www.northernvirginiamag.com/uncategorized/2011/09/26/fear-factor/
When the new school year approaches, your child seems anxious. When faced with a new situation, s/he doesn’t engage with others, clings to you, or even cries when you leave. But what is wrong? And how can you help?
The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) reports 5.2 percent of American adults have “social phobia”—people who feel uncomfortable speaking to others beyond their own family members and are fearful of new things—a psychiatric disorder that usually manifests in childhood and early adolescence.
Some common physical symptoms include blushing, profuse sweating, trembling, nausea and difficulty talking. People with social phobias may seek therapeutic environments to overcome fears and anxiety.
One option is the Social Anxiety Support Group of D.C., Maryland and for SASG, says she was an extremely shy child, but today she supports adults who are nervous dealing with new people and new situations. Sunny believes parents play a key role in helping shy children gain social confidence. “How parents treat other people, and how they handle new situations, teaches children how to behave. Children learn behavior from their own parents. Social anxiety is partly genetic and partly environmental,” explains Sunny (full name withheld).
George Mason University professor Koraly Perez-Edgar, Ph.D., is an internationally known researcher studying temperamentally shy children and their psycho-physiological traits. Her research looked at children from 4 months to 19 years of age, whom she followed for exhibiting “early negative reactions”—they expressed a strong fear response to new settings and were more likely to withdraw in social situations. Perez-Edgar found that without early intervention, shy children often develop anxiety disorders.
Years Fly Faster than a Witch’s Broom
You know it’s coming. Summer is winding down. Stores are loading their aisles with black bats and pointed hats. So the process begins: What to be? I remember my daughters’ first Halloweens vividly; partly from the requisite photographs of my girls perched on the porch surrounded by pumpkins and faux spider webs. Halloween in my house truly rivals birthdays and Christmas, so each October intense preparation begins. My husband looks forward to Halloween almost as much as my children. He and his buddy take their youngest kids door-to-door, collecting “Daddy Booty” (Budweiser) on the porches of their compadres. It‘s easy now, since kids basically run from house to house, while you tag along socializing with other parents. Gone are the exhausting nights pushing strollers and carrying toddlers to the doorway. But who could pass up the chance to peek inside the homes of the more reclusive neighbors‘ once a year?
Now I am on door patrol. I can scrutinize the parade of beloved neighborhood children, as they change into bigger and usually more frightening characters. Is it 10 years since James went from Pooh Bear to a toothless pirate accompanied by bleeding zombies? Passion for the holiday develops in preschool with parades and parties, princesses and Dalmatians. But in a blink, those same cherubs head off with a group of hoodlums … I mean, friends … to assault the neighbor’s well-manicured lawn.
“How did it go by so fast?” I asked my husband last year, after he pummeled through early rush hour to take our 8-year-old trick-or-treating. She darted past, resembling an unsuccessful Elvis impersonator. My husband gasped when The King dragged two pillowcases from her bed to take along. “One won’t hold all the candy, Daddy,”she explained.
My oldest, now a “tween;’ has abandoned her Disney persona in bustling skirts. Now she heads out wearing her ’50S carhop costume, in fishnets, with gams that would shame Katie Couric.
Required: black eyeliner around the eyes.
Forbidden: all parents within the vicinity of her posse.
Also intriguing is the evening’s flow. Right at dark, the first little darlings begin their tentative knocking. Prompted to say thank you, they rush quickly away from your gushing enthusiasm for their adorable attire. As the evening continues, trick-or-treaters become larger and scarier.
An American Halloween has many meanings. For some it’s ghosts and witches. For others, it’s all about the candy. I’m afraid my youngest wears the costume simply to obtain the largest supply of sugar she will see for the rest of the year. You know people who give out healthy snacks? My daughter skips those houses. After the long day, the greatest moment is emptying bags of candy to sort and trade. But it wasn’t always that way. Not long ago, it was about Grandma making the perfect costume (Mom didn’t get the sewing gene). This year, as you prepare your precious character for a night of haunting fun, remember to stop and cherish this glorious time with your kids.